after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize