youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
