It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
