Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm passing your future prison.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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