So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she told me i tasted like america
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nobody cheats on THIS.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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