Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
