the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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