He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
