then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
