ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
