He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
