Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I did not marry a roomba.
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