The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
