Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
