i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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