so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We were destined to go to rehab together
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
