honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
