Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
