I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
