She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Holy shit dude........stairs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
