I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
