He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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