just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
