Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
