I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She bit a glass in half.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
