i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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