No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
