I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize