So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize