On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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