so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sorry about my life...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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