Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
