Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
