its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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