It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize