we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
