I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
