i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
