Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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