you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
