he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
