He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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