pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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