Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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