is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
