i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
