No awkward lesbian experiences without me
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
