I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Its about making memories worth repressing
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
