these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
