If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
