You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
