he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
