He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
