there was a trapeze. enough said
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
