I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
