So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
