I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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