fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
