just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
