i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
