Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize