I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize