We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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