You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
