Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
