we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
