i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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