i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
